Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Being "Not good enough"

Over the last 3 months I have tried to discuss many broad issues that occurred in my life.  I've tried to guide you through the things I've learned to help all of you live a more joyful/positive life.  It occurred to me the other day that the one subject I haven't really touched on is the subject that had an overriding effect on my life.  The feeling of not being good enough.  I realized that this issue is probably common amongst all of us, so here we go.

I believe parents in general don't try to cause issues with their children & often they believe that what they are doing or saying will truly help.  That was not the case for me.  I have mentioned before that growing up I had a difficult relationship with my father.  The bottom line was that it seemed to me that no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him & to me, the approval of my father was very important.

This caused a great deal of issues in my life.  There was a positive side to it, it gave me an undying will to push on & prove him wrong.  But, no matter how much success I had in my life (personally or professionally) it never felt satisfying.  I was outwardly very self confident & successful but inside I was the little boy who just wanted to know he did good.  This need for approval at times would disrupt my life & make it more difficult to move forward with my life.

So, how did I get through this? & what can you do if you feel the same way? I first started to truly deal with this issue with the death of my father in 2006.  I was overwhelmed with grief and never truly understood why.  It took me nearly a year of "working through" this grief before I realized that part of the grief was the fact that I would never hear him say "you did a great job".  Although this process helped me the true turning point was in 2007 when I hired Susie Wise-Peterson as my life coach.  When these issues would come come up she would ask me just one question "How's that working for you, Bill?".  I realized then that I was holding onto something that was only holding me back.  I knew that I could never grow into the person I wanted to be without letting go of this need for approval.

So how did I get past it?  I spent a lot of time thinking about that question & the bottom was this:  First I wrote my Dad a letter saying to him that I realized that he was only trying to do his best & that I forgave him for making me feel like I was never good enough.  I also spent a lot of quiet time thinking about how he would respond to the letter.  Then and only then I brought that insecure feeling to my heart.  I felt the fear, I felt like that little boy who just wanted his Daddy to love him and then I let it go!  I told myself this is not me, this feeling wasn't working for me & I am good person.  Then anytime after that when a situation came up & I began to feel those old feelings I continued to let them go.  I changed my thoughts to all the successes I've had in my life.  This change in thought & the reattachment of success instead of the feeling of not being good enough changed my first thoughts to the successes I've accomplished.  I no longer feel that emptiness.  I had moved past this issue by forgiveness, letting the issue go & changing my thoughts.

You can move through any past issue by trusting in this process.  Remember that we are all divine beings we can do anything we set our mind to.  Believe in yourself because God/universe believes in you!

Till tomorrow,


Quote of the day: "You are a beautiful divine being who can accomplish anything you put your mind to! Believe in yourself, find joy today!!


JACQUI said...

This is a great, and very honest, post Bill. It mirrors sentiments in one of my own posts recently. I'm glad you managed to let go and be at peace with yourself, exactly as you are. Beautiful post with a very clear message.

JACQUI said...

In fact, I can relate to so many of your posts - just goes to show how much of us all have in common.