Thursday, July 27, 2017

Dealing with Grief!

Let me start by saying that I am no expert on grief. I know there are people out there that know how to help others through the process. I'm just someone who is trying to deal with the loss of someone close to me.

Maybe I have been lucky in life, the people I have lost so far that were important to me have been very few at the age of 56; I lost my grandmother when I was very young 8 I believe, I lost my grandfather when I was 20 and because of my age I did not realize how much his loss meant to me till very much later in life, I lost a friend when I was in theatre in a tragic car accident and while dealing with his loss I had to go on for him the next night on stage, Then I lost my Dad 11 years ago and that loss took me almost a year to get over, finally a few weeks ago I lost my sister.

My sister Lori was one of the strongest women I have ever known. She was the sister [I have 4] that always stood up for me when I needed someone to. She had some medical issues over the years but always came through them with flying colors and a smile on her face.

Well about a month ago she was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer and given 1 to 2 weeks to live. She made it 2.5 weeks but her loss has really shaken me. She was only 58.

So how do you move through grief? My answer is only straight on. I have tried to feel the loss, I have tried to move beyond the pain but the truth is all I have really felt over the past few weeks is numb.

If you bury the pain of your loss all that will happen is you will see it come back at the most inopportune time and it will come back much stronger than you can ever imagine. 

I have found myself having a very difficult time concentrating and my short term memory has been very bad. These are all things that are "normal" at this stage of grief but I am the positive one. I am the one that always finds a way forward.

So how do you deal with grief? I think it something like the old Paula Abdul song "Opposites Attract." Sometimes you have to "take two steps forward and two steps back." I believe grief is a process and I believe it is different for everyone.

My advice is to always continue moving forward, take time for yourself, find things and people that make you laugh, know that as Einstein says; "Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” 

The way forward is different for everyone but this is a time to ask for help when you need it. To know that with time things will get better and to believe that nothing can take away the memories you cherish of the person you lost.

Trust in yourself and trust in those around you that care about you. There is no hard and fast rule for what is right or what you can or cannot do. For me, right now, the hardest thing is talking about brings me to tears almost every time I do.

Ask for help if you need it or find someone you can talk to honestly to help you through the pain. Remember that everyday is a new opportunity and even at the darkest hour of your grief, a simple step forward can change your world in ways you can not even imagine.

Till next time,


Quote of the day: "The process and pain of grief is something that affects us all differently. trust yourself, trust your family and friends, ask for help if you need it. But never give up, always take one step forward even if you end up going backward!" 

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