Dealing with Grief!

Let me start by saying that I am no expert on grief. I know there are people out there that know how to help others through the process. I'm just someone who is trying to deal with the loss of someone close to me.

Maybe I have been lucky in life, the people I have lost so far that were important to me have been very few at the age of 56; I lost my grandmother when I was very young 8 I believe, I lost my grandfather when I was 20 and because of my age I did not realize how much his loss meant to me till very much later in life, I lost a friend when I was in theatre in a tragic car accident and while dealing with his loss I had to go on for him the next night on stage, Then I lost my Dad 11 years ago and that loss took me almost a year to get over, finally a few weeks ago I lost my sister.

My sister Lori was one of the strongest women I have ever known. She was the sister [I have 4] that always stood up for me when I needed someone to. She had some medical issues over the years but always came through them with flying colors and a smile on her face.

Well about a month ago she was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer and given 1 to 2 weeks to live. She made it 2.5 weeks but her loss has really shaken me. She was only 58.

So how do you move through grief? My answer is only straight on. I have tried to feel the loss, I have tried to move beyond the pain but the truth is all I have really felt over the past few weeks is numb.

If you bury the pain of your loss all that will happen is you will see it come back at the most inopportune time and it will come back much stronger than you can ever imagine. 

I have found myself having a very difficult time concentrating and my short term memory has been very bad. These are all things that are "normal" at this stage of grief but I am the positive one. I am the one that always finds a way forward.

So how do you deal with grief? I think it something like the old Paula Abdul song "Opposites Attract." Sometimes you have to "take two steps forward and two steps back." I believe grief is a process and I believe it is different for everyone.

My advice is to always continue moving forward, take time for yourself, find things and people that make you laugh, know that as Einstein says; "Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” 

The way forward is different for everyone but this is a time to ask for help when you need it. To know that with time things will get better and to believe that nothing can take away the memories you cherish of the person you lost.

Trust in yourself and trust in those around you that care about you. There is no hard and fast rule for what is right or what you can or cannot do. For me, right now, the hardest thing is talking about it...it brings me to tears almost every time I do.

Ask for help if you need it or find someone you can talk to honestly to help you through the pain. Remember that everyday is a new opportunity and even at the darkest hour of your grief, a simple step forward can change your world in ways you can not even imagine.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: "The process and pain of grief is something that affects us all differently. trust yourself, trust your family and friends, ask for help if you need it. But never give up, always take one step forward even if you end up going backward!" 

Courage!

Courage!

What does courage mean to you?  Do you believe that only heroes have courage?  Have you had moments in your life when you truly need courage?  All of these are great questions!  Let us start with the definition of courage; 1. The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. 2. Obsolete. The heart as the source of emotion. So by the first definition it is a quality to possess and by the second definition it is being connected to your heart.  I believe we all have courage no matter what we face in life.  Sometimes it is difficult just to get through the day because of all the things we are dealing with, isn’t that courage?

To rise above a situation or events that are happening in your life; that takes courage.  To follow your heart when the rest of the world tells you no; that takes courage.  For me the moments that take the most courage are those when you need to stand up for what you believe in regardless of what others think.  Are you able to do that? 

For me courage does come from connecting to your heart and often we hear that someone is courageous when they go above and beyond because they feel strongly that this is the right thing to do.  You never hear courage described with someone negative, it is always going above & beyond.

So how do you connect to your heart to tap into your courage?  For me it is by quieting the mind and becoming self-aware, knowing who you truly are and standing up for what you believe in.  The processes of getting to know yourself is a difficult one and I am not one of those that believes there is a ‘quick fix’.  You need to take time to reflect on yourself, what you have been through and who you truly are. I guarantee the time you take will be paid back 100 fold.  To know one’s self is the greatest gift we can give to the world.  Find the time to be comfortable in your skin and learn what courage truly is.  By doing this you will not only change yourself you will change the world!!

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “The courage to stand up for what you believe in regardless of what the rest of the world thinks, is the greatest courage you can ever show!”

The Edge of Greatness

Have you ever felt like you were on the edge of a cliff barely hanging on or that the next step you’ll surely fall to your death?  Sometimes in life when we get pushed to the end we have to choices: Fight like hell to stand our ground or just jump.  The scariest thing to do is to just let go and jump! But sometimes that is exactly what we need to do.  Often standing our ground where we are and fighting with everything we got even when things are not working is based on our ego.  The ego hates change the ego wants to be in control and we as human beings love the façade of being in control with everything in our lives.  Often the people that are the most ego driven believe they are in control of everything.

They find comfort in the façade that everything is under their control.  The truth is in life we have very little control over anything.  I mention frequently that there are two things we have control over: Ourselves and our reaction to others that is it!!  No matter how much we believe differently the sooner we recognize this fact and accept it as part of our lives the better off we are moving forward.  So much disappointment in our lives comes from life seeming to just fall apart.  That feeling of true helplessness is because we created the illusion that we were in control of everything when truly we were not.

Taking that leap, letting go and believing that you can fly, is one of the hardest things we can do in our life but not doing it can lead to much more pain and disappointment than if you actually jumped.  Sure there is no guarantee that things will work out.  But by letting go you give yourself a chance, stop fighting the world and then questioning why things continue to be difficult or that bad things continue to happen.  Remember God/universe gives back to us what we put out there.  If all we are putting out there is fighting, pain and disappointment, God/universe will give us more the same.

Take a chance, let go and learn to fly!

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “When you feel like you are just barely hanging on, let go and learn to fly!”

Transformation

With the dawning of a New Year we all look to turn the page on what was and recreate ourselves for the New Year.  Many of us make resolutions to try and define the change we are looking for in the New Year.  But, as we know too many resolutions are done within weeks or if you are lucky months of the New Year.  Why is this?  Simple, we cannot change who we are without taking the time to know and understand ourselves better.

True transformation comes from within and it cannot be forced.  By knowing your true self, you can become whatever you would like to become.  Do you think the caterpillar knows that tomorrow it will be a butterfly? My guess is that the caterpillar has no idea, it just lives every day to the fullest as a caterpillar and is amazed at the transformation that happens.  Each us of can learn from the caterpillar, we fill our lives with stuff because we believe that if we are busy we have a full and joyful life.  But, to truly transform yourself you need to spend time with yourself and you need to learn to appreciate each and every moment for we never know when our last moment will come.

The discovery of joy in everything is a practiced skill like any other skill.  When we allow our mind to let go of yesterday and begin to live life every day to the fullest, we will slowly begin to find joy in everything.   This realization leads to being more and more aware of the present and teaches us to open our mind to possibilities.  This opening up can dramatically change your life but as with the caterpillar it happens in its own time.  The more you pretend to live in the moment the further you move away from being in the moment.  The process is to not think just to be.

Does this mean only good things will happen?  Of course not, much of life is beyond our control but whatever the trials and tribulations are that you go through there can still be joy in the trials.  Sometimes our greatest lesson and most impressive growth comes through the trials we have in our life.  We all need to celebrate getting through the “tough times” because they happen to everyone!

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “True transformation happens when we take time to know ourselves better.  Once the transformation begins it can truly change everything in your life.”

What is your Value?

Do you value yourself?  Do you know your worth to the world?  Or are you always seeking acceptance never discovering your true value?  Each of us brings unique traits and qualities to this world and our value should never be set by others, we should instead know and accept our true value of ourselves. 

I believe that if we do not value who we are as a person no one else will!  Is there a fine line between self-worth and Ego, yes there can be.  True self-worth is a quiet assurance that never has to be proclaimed to the world.  It is feeling confident in your abilities and your place in the world.  It is knowing what you can add to a situation and being willing to learn and stretch your abilities to help others.

So how do we begin to value ourselves?  It starts with listening to yourself, finding who you truly are and truly understanding what talent and abilities you have.  Recognize what you have been through in your life.  Give yourself credit for making it through everything you have been through.  Acknowledge the things you have learned along the way and most importantly believe in yourself.  The world is a better place because you are in it and contributing to it every day.  You have value and your willingness to define your value will only enhance your life.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “Discover your true value to the world.  Go forth with confidence that you are special and you have value!”

Open your heart to open your mind!

With the tragic events of the past week in Colorado Springs and San Bernardino there has been much talk, including by Presidential candidates, about how we should react to such events.  Most of the reactions out there are based on fear and hate.  These are the easiest ways to control people and rally them for your cause.  I dismiss the idea of fear and I abhor the idea of hate.  Certainly there are people in this world that are out to hurt us with no regard for who is responsible for their own problems but the way forward in the world is discover the love we each have inside.  By taking the time to see that true light in ours we bring ourselves to a place of compassion and understanding rather than a place of fear and hate.

Our country has a long history of trying to hate or define a new ethnic group until we as a society will not put up with it anymore.  This was true of the African Americans, the Irish, the Jewish, the Japanese and now it is the Muslim’s.  Why do we hate because we have not had the chance to know and understand each of these groups until much time has passed.  I believe that this world is coming together like never before and the vast majority of people are good people and want to be good.

The way we as a society and as individuals change the world is to open our hearts to everyone so that we can open our minds to their situation.  It is very hard to do it the other way around we try to box in our emotions with what we believe to be logic.  The truth is you can justify anything if you want to.  The opportunity to change the pattern is to open you heart first and allow your compassion to lead your mind to different conclusions.

There have been radicals in every ethnic group in our history.  Some of those groups were terribly feared in their time but we grew up and began to understand why they were acting out the way they were.  Once we did this we accepted the change that was needed to make their lives better. 

Stop allowing talking heads to tell you what you should think or feel.  Let go of the fear and find a way to make a difference.  You and only you can decide where you should stand.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the Day: “By opening our hearts first we allow our heads to hear a different truth.  Know compassion instead of fear and change the world with your love.” 

Giving Thanks!

With the Thanksgiving holiday this Thursday, I think it’s time again to think about giving thanks.  What are you thankful for?  Through gratitude everything is possible.  I have mentioned before that my wife Heidi and I practice gratefuls every day.  We believe in the power of giving thanks.  No matter how dark of a day you are having there is always something to be grateful for.

The more you appreciate your life as it is today, the more you open your heart to other possibilities.  It is only by being grateful that we allow God/universe to work on our behalf.  Remember God/universe only wants to give us what we are looking for but that can be negative things as well as positive things.  By starting each day with gratitude we express thanks to God/universe for the wonderful things that God/universe brought into our lives yesterday.

I have also discovered that by starting the day with gratitude we set a more positive tone for the whole day ahead of us.  This tone then translates into more things to be grateful for today and so on.  So what are you grateful for?  I’d love to hear all of your responses.  Here are some of mine:

1.       I am grateful for my family.  I love and appreciate all my sisters, my mother, my

 3 daughters and my beautiful wife Heidi.

2.       I am grateful for living in Colorado.  I love the beauty of this state and I am

 grateful that I have ended up here.

3.       I am grateful for my house.  I love where we live and appreciate owning my

 own place.

4.       I am grateful for the opportunity to start my own business and to get away  

 for the corporate world and especially taxes.

5.       I am grateful for my community.  I love the people in this area and believe

 together we can do anything.  I am honored to be involved with 2 Chamber

 of Commerce’s and to be the Co-Chair of the 285 Tourism Committee.

6.       I am grateful for our 3 dogs they bring us joy and laughter every day.

7.       I am grateful for all my online friends, some of whom have been with me

 for nearly 10 years.  I appreciate your friendship and support.

8.       I am grateful that I can be a voice for those that need one.

9.       I am grateful for my birthday which this year is on Thanksgiving.  I

 celebrate each year with appreciation as I know too well that nothing

 is guaranteed.

10.   I am grateful for finding joy in the smallest things.

I wish you all a beautiful, warm Thanksgiving and if you are not in the US, I hope the intention of this day can be shared worldwide.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “By giving thanks we open our heart to joy and discover the path to a better life.”