Have you ever thought about the opposite side of you? Do you accept your negative emotions? How about your negative behavior? Can you look at yourself honestly in the mirror?
The whole natural world is created on opposites, otherwise it wouldn't exist. There has to be a winter in order to have a summer, light to dispel the darkness. In Chinese philosophy this is shown with the symbol of Yin & Yang which many of us have seen or know. The idea behind Yin & Yang is that there is a balance to everything & in order to be a whole person we need this balance as well.
The questions I asked above may be difficult questions for some, but in order to grow & have a more joyful/positive life we need to accept & acknowledge our negative side. If instead we choose to just bury it or ignore it. The negative will always come back into our lives & it will continue to hold us back.
When I wrote the blog entitled "reflections" I mentioned how people will come into your life that annoy you right away & that these people are reflecting a piece of yourself back to you that you don't want to acknowledge or that you don't like about yourself. This will always be the case God/universe will always find away to bring back these negative emotions until you accept these emotions as part of who you are.
For a lot of my younger life I was known to have a very bad temper. I didn't get angry often but when I did get angry I would get very angry. There were many reasons for this but most of it centered around my feelings of insecurity & not feeling good enough. What happened to me in order to defend my point, so I wouldn't feel like I was wrong, was I got very loud & angry. Until I accepted this negative behavior & until I resolved my insecurities I couldn't move past this negative emotion. I still have, on a very rare occasion, this negative emotion. It will always be a part of me. But now that I understand it & accept it, I'm able to live a more joyful/positive life.
There are many more examples of this not only in my life but in all your lives. In order to love greatly you need to know hate. In order to know good times you have to have experienced bad times. This balance is always there and necessary.
Look into your soul & accept all the negative as an equal part of who you are. By accepting & understanding this "dark side" of you, you can expand your joy & live a more positive/joyful life.
Until tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "We are all made up of light & dark, accept both parts of yourself & you will grow to have a more joyful life."
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Being "Not good enough"
Over the last 3 months I have tried to discuss many broad issues that occurred in my life. I've tried to guide you through the things I've learned to help all of you live a more joyful/positive life. It occurred to me the other day that the one subject I haven't really touched on is the subject that had an overriding effect on my life. The feeling of not being good enough. I realized that this issue is probably common amongst all of us, so here we go.
I believe parents in general don't try to cause issues with their children & often they believe that what they are doing or saying will truly help. That was not the case for me. I have mentioned before that growing up I had a difficult relationship with my father. The bottom line was that it seemed to me that no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him & to me, the approval of my father was very important.
This caused a great deal of issues in my life. There was a positive side to it, it gave me an undying will to push on & prove him wrong. But, no matter how much success I had in my life (personally or professionally) it never felt satisfying. I was outwardly very self confident & successful but inside I was the little boy who just wanted to know he did good. This need for approval at times would disrupt my life & make it more difficult to move forward with my life.
So, how did I get through this? & what can you do if you feel the same way? I first started to truly deal with this issue with the death of my father in 2006. I was overwhelmed with grief and never truly understood why. It took me nearly a year of "working through" this grief before I realized that part of the grief was the fact that I would never hear him say "you did a great job". Although this process helped me the true turning point was in 2007 when I hired Susie Wise-Peterson as my life coach. When these issues would come come up she would ask me just one question "How's that working for you, Bill?". I realized then that I was holding onto something that was only holding me back. I knew that I could never grow into the person I wanted to be without letting go of this need for approval.
So how did I get past it? I spent a lot of time thinking about that question & the bottom was this: First I wrote my Dad a letter saying to him that I realized that he was only trying to do his best & that I forgave him for making me feel like I was never good enough. I also spent a lot of quiet time thinking about how he would respond to the letter. Then and only then I brought that insecure feeling to my heart. I felt the fear, I felt like that little boy who just wanted his Daddy to love him and then I let it go! I told myself this is not me, this feeling wasn't working for me & I am good person. Then anytime after that when a situation came up & I began to feel those old feelings I continued to let them go. I changed my thoughts to all the successes I've had in my life. This change in thought & the reattachment of success instead of the feeling of not being good enough changed my first thoughts to the successes I've accomplished. I no longer feel that emptiness. I had moved past this issue by forgiveness, letting the issue go & changing my thoughts.
You can move through any past issue by trusting in this process. Remember that we are all divine beings we can do anything we set our mind to. Believe in yourself because God/universe believes in you!
Till tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "You are a beautiful divine being who can accomplish anything you put your mind to! Believe in yourself, find joy today!!
I believe parents in general don't try to cause issues with their children & often they believe that what they are doing or saying will truly help. That was not the case for me. I have mentioned before that growing up I had a difficult relationship with my father. The bottom line was that it seemed to me that no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him & to me, the approval of my father was very important.
This caused a great deal of issues in my life. There was a positive side to it, it gave me an undying will to push on & prove him wrong. But, no matter how much success I had in my life (personally or professionally) it never felt satisfying. I was outwardly very self confident & successful but inside I was the little boy who just wanted to know he did good. This need for approval at times would disrupt my life & make it more difficult to move forward with my life.
So, how did I get through this? & what can you do if you feel the same way? I first started to truly deal with this issue with the death of my father in 2006. I was overwhelmed with grief and never truly understood why. It took me nearly a year of "working through" this grief before I realized that part of the grief was the fact that I would never hear him say "you did a great job". Although this process helped me the true turning point was in 2007 when I hired Susie Wise-Peterson as my life coach. When these issues would come come up she would ask me just one question "How's that working for you, Bill?". I realized then that I was holding onto something that was only holding me back. I knew that I could never grow into the person I wanted to be without letting go of this need for approval.
So how did I get past it? I spent a lot of time thinking about that question & the bottom was this: First I wrote my Dad a letter saying to him that I realized that he was only trying to do his best & that I forgave him for making me feel like I was never good enough. I also spent a lot of quiet time thinking about how he would respond to the letter. Then and only then I brought that insecure feeling to my heart. I felt the fear, I felt like that little boy who just wanted his Daddy to love him and then I let it go! I told myself this is not me, this feeling wasn't working for me & I am good person. Then anytime after that when a situation came up & I began to feel those old feelings I continued to let them go. I changed my thoughts to all the successes I've had in my life. This change in thought & the reattachment of success instead of the feeling of not being good enough changed my first thoughts to the successes I've accomplished. I no longer feel that emptiness. I had moved past this issue by forgiveness, letting the issue go & changing my thoughts.
You can move through any past issue by trusting in this process. Remember that we are all divine beings we can do anything we set our mind to. Believe in yourself because God/universe believes in you!
Till tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "You are a beautiful divine being who can accomplish anything you put your mind to! Believe in yourself, find joy today!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Happiness
What is happiness? Have you ever given any thought to this question? Happiness, I believe, is finding joy in each & every moment. I think the problem that many of us have is going "in search of" happiness. It's an idea that's been with our country from the very beginning, after all right in the Declaration of Independence "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
Happiness isn't to be pursued, it's to be enjoyed. If you're always looking for happiness you'll never find it. Way to many of us make statements like; "When I get that new job, then I'll be happy." or "When I get married, then I'll be happy." we set ourselves up to delay what we can have right now.
Yes, the idea that happiness is enjoying every moment is a simple answer but truly it's the only way to discover what you're pursuing. In actuality, happiness is living from your soul. The closer we get to reconnecting with our "true self" or our "divine self" the happier we'll be. We all have it within us to have anything we want. God/universe only knows unlimited giving. The problem is that we let our EGO dictate what we want or need to be happy. This is rarely what we really need, as we discussed a while ago the EGO lies. It only wants the things that will satisfy the EGO not what will satisfy the soul. To find true happiness we need to rediscover our divinity....we have to find out who we truly are!
Live from the soul, reconnect with your source & find happiness in every moment of every day!
Till Tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Happiness isn't something to pursue, it's something to enjoy in every moment of everyday! Be happy & live in the now."
Happiness isn't to be pursued, it's to be enjoyed. If you're always looking for happiness you'll never find it. Way to many of us make statements like; "When I get that new job, then I'll be happy." or "When I get married, then I'll be happy." we set ourselves up to delay what we can have right now.
Yes, the idea that happiness is enjoying every moment is a simple answer but truly it's the only way to discover what you're pursuing. In actuality, happiness is living from your soul. The closer we get to reconnecting with our "true self" or our "divine self" the happier we'll be. We all have it within us to have anything we want. God/universe only knows unlimited giving. The problem is that we let our EGO dictate what we want or need to be happy. This is rarely what we really need, as we discussed a while ago the EGO lies. It only wants the things that will satisfy the EGO not what will satisfy the soul. To find true happiness we need to rediscover our divinity....we have to find out who we truly are!
Live from the soul, reconnect with your source & find happiness in every moment of every day!
Till Tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Happiness isn't something to pursue, it's something to enjoy in every moment of everyday! Be happy & live in the now."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Outside Observer
One of the best ways to continue your growth to a more joyful life is to become an "Outside Observer" of your life. What does being an "Outside Observer" mean? To me it means learning to step away from each situation in your mind & look at it objectively. We talked a lot about life being filtered through your own perceptions a few weeks ago. To me, after realizing you are filtering everything, the next step is to learn to be objective in each situation.
This is not an easy step but with practice it can make a big difference. You can describe this process however you'd like. Some people may just call it being objective, Deepak Chopra calls it the "Silent Observer" for me "Outside Observer" works best because for me the process is exactly that, stepping away from yourself & looking at the situation in a different light.
So the first question you need to answer is can you be objective with your own thoughts & actions? This is the hardest part of this idea because even when you think you may be objective you truly may be hung up on your own perceptions. I don't have an easy answer as to how to become better at this, I can only share with you the process I go through with any conversation/situation I am involved in.
The first thing I do is try to understand why the other person is saying/acting the way they are. Remember that each us reacts from our own experiences & more often then not we react to most situations by coming from a place of fear. We're afraid of what we feel are weaknesses in our own life or we're reacting from fear because of a past event that mirrors the feeling of the situation that's happening in-front of us. Once we understand this key piece we can begin to understand how to help move the situation away from fear into a positive environment.
The next thing I do is look at my reaction to the situation & try & understand what my motivation is. I am reacting out of fear, am I annoyed because this person is "reflecting" a quality back to me that I don't like about myself? For most people this may be the hardest part of the process, I know it is still hard for me. The easiest way I've learned to be able to follow this process is to slow things down in my mind, take a breath & take the time to truly listen.
Once you're able to be the "Outside Observer" in your own life you'll begin to hear the messages that God/universe wants you to learn from each situation. By beginning to learn the messages of everyone that enters your life you will begin to have more & more snychronistic occurrences in your life. The more open & objective you can be in your life the easier it will be to find more joy!
Hope you all have a great weekend, Till Monday!
Bill
Quote of the day: "By being the "Outside Observer" in your own life you'll learn to become more open & accepting. This openness will lead you to more joy!"
This is not an easy step but with practice it can make a big difference. You can describe this process however you'd like. Some people may just call it being objective, Deepak Chopra calls it the "Silent Observer" for me "Outside Observer" works best because for me the process is exactly that, stepping away from yourself & looking at the situation in a different light.
So the first question you need to answer is can you be objective with your own thoughts & actions? This is the hardest part of this idea because even when you think you may be objective you truly may be hung up on your own perceptions. I don't have an easy answer as to how to become better at this, I can only share with you the process I go through with any conversation/situation I am involved in.
The first thing I do is try to understand why the other person is saying/acting the way they are. Remember that each us reacts from our own experiences & more often then not we react to most situations by coming from a place of fear. We're afraid of what we feel are weaknesses in our own life or we're reacting from fear because of a past event that mirrors the feeling of the situation that's happening in-front of us. Once we understand this key piece we can begin to understand how to help move the situation away from fear into a positive environment.
The next thing I do is look at my reaction to the situation & try & understand what my motivation is. I am reacting out of fear, am I annoyed because this person is "reflecting" a quality back to me that I don't like about myself? For most people this may be the hardest part of the process, I know it is still hard for me. The easiest way I've learned to be able to follow this process is to slow things down in my mind, take a breath & take the time to truly listen.
Once you're able to be the "Outside Observer" in your own life you'll begin to hear the messages that God/universe wants you to learn from each situation. By beginning to learn the messages of everyone that enters your life you will begin to have more & more snychronistic occurrences in your life. The more open & objective you can be in your life the easier it will be to find more joy!
Hope you all have a great weekend, Till Monday!
Bill
Quote of the day: "By being the "Outside Observer" in your own life you'll learn to become more open & accepting. This openness will lead you to more joy!"
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Quieting the Noise
Yesterday we talked about being patient in the storm around you & enjoying each moment regardless of the circumstances. I think we need to explore the bigger idea here. In this day & age we are surrounded by way to many distractions, there is "noise" everywhere we go. In my opinion to much noise. I think technology is a wonderful thing but it has made us all accessible 24/7 and it creates an atmosphere of distraction. Remember when you were a child & you had "quiet time" where not much was going on?
Where you explored your imagination & created wonderful ideas.
I think we all need to try & slow down our busy lives & quiet the noise in our life. As I mentioned before I'm not good at meditation but I do try to give myself "quiet time" each day to reflect on my life & my intentions for the day & for my life. I try to take this quiet time at least a couple of times a day.
But let's talk a bit more about "quieting the noise". In order to truly bring synchronicity back into your life & improve the possibilities for your intentions to be heard by God/universe we need to quiet the noise in our life & relearn how to narrow our focus. To some people this may be a contradiction to opening up & being accepting to everything that comes into your life. I don't see it that way at all, I have found in my life that the things I need to pay attention to make themselves known to me. You'll learn over time what or who you need to pay attention to, trust in the universe.
How do you narrow your focus? Have you ever been so engrossed in a book that nothing can distract you? Well the idea behind narrowing your focus & quieting the noise isn't that extreme but it should be an idea that you explore. Focus on what is important to you & what makes its self apparent to you. Quiet the other noise & take time to be quiet yourself. Learn to slow life down & enjoy it, savor it like a good wine or a great meal. All we have is today nothing else is guaranteed, remember that when a day seems to get difficult, there's always a way to enjoy even those tough days. Together we'll find a way to enjoy each day and find the joy!
Till tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Quiet the noise & narrow your focus, joy is all around you. Find the joy & eliminate the noise!"
Where you explored your imagination & created wonderful ideas.
I think we all need to try & slow down our busy lives & quiet the noise in our life. As I mentioned before I'm not good at meditation but I do try to give myself "quiet time" each day to reflect on my life & my intentions for the day & for my life. I try to take this quiet time at least a couple of times a day.
But let's talk a bit more about "quieting the noise". In order to truly bring synchronicity back into your life & improve the possibilities for your intentions to be heard by God/universe we need to quiet the noise in our life & relearn how to narrow our focus. To some people this may be a contradiction to opening up & being accepting to everything that comes into your life. I don't see it that way at all, I have found in my life that the things I need to pay attention to make themselves known to me. You'll learn over time what or who you need to pay attention to, trust in the universe.
How do you narrow your focus? Have you ever been so engrossed in a book that nothing can distract you? Well the idea behind narrowing your focus & quieting the noise isn't that extreme but it should be an idea that you explore. Focus on what is important to you & what makes its self apparent to you. Quiet the other noise & take time to be quiet yourself. Learn to slow life down & enjoy it, savor it like a good wine or a great meal. All we have is today nothing else is guaranteed, remember that when a day seems to get difficult, there's always a way to enjoy even those tough days. Together we'll find a way to enjoy each day and find the joy!
Till tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Quiet the noise & narrow your focus, joy is all around you. Find the joy & eliminate the noise!"
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Patience
I observed many things on my vacation to England, I tried to live in each moment & I related to a wide variety of people. Through all of this one of the things that rang very true to me is patience. How much patience do you have? Do you have patience for people that are different then you? or do you just dismiss them? In a storm of activity can you remain calm and move through the storm as a quiet force?
These & many more questions are very difficult for some people to answer. Let's take it a step further & ask, is your outside appearance the same as how you feel inside? Patience can be a very difficult thing in this busy time. I believe it's something we all need to work on especially now.
We talked a lot in the past in this journey to joy about appreciating each moment, patience to me is very interconnected to this. I have always been thought of as someone who has great patience. Patience in teaching, patience in listening & patience in waiting, my struggle is that inside I'm not always as patient as I appear on the outside.
I've wrote some about my daughter's wedding, it was an amazing experience to me & something I think every father of a little girl should go through. The range of emotions that you experience in a short period of time (if you allow them) is amazing. But, there was a storm of activity. This storm was complicated by the wide variety of people involved in this wedding, from grandma's fairly set in their ways to my ex-wife to a couple not even invited to the wedding (that's another story) to the few friends of my daughter & son-in-law's friends & to my son-in-laws very British parents. I enjoyed the differences that each of these people brought to this wonderful event but I found everyone getting caught up in the storm & not truly appreciating what we all were there for.
I was able to move from group to group & bring some calm to each situation that presented its self. I calmed down people upset at small things beyond their control & brought some calmness to people that were stressed out by everything happening around them. The point of this blog is not to commend myself because as I mentioned earlier I struggle with what's going on on the inside as opposed to what people see in these situations. Instead I want to give an example of how life can pass you by if you don't slow down. This amazing event was a blink in the lifetime of everyone who attended it but many of the people didn't appreciate the experience because they were caught up in the storm.
Patience is letting go of the outcome, enjoying the now & quieting the storm. To truly have patience you must be open to the differences of the people in your life & accept them from where they are coming from. All of these traits are part of your expansion into a more joyful life. So today when the storm begins around you, take a breath & be the calm....your life will change because of it.
Until tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Patience is the ability to calm the storm around you & appreciate each & every moment, practice patience today!"
These & many more questions are very difficult for some people to answer. Let's take it a step further & ask, is your outside appearance the same as how you feel inside? Patience can be a very difficult thing in this busy time. I believe it's something we all need to work on especially now.
We talked a lot in the past in this journey to joy about appreciating each moment, patience to me is very interconnected to this. I have always been thought of as someone who has great patience. Patience in teaching, patience in listening & patience in waiting, my struggle is that inside I'm not always as patient as I appear on the outside.
I've wrote some about my daughter's wedding, it was an amazing experience to me & something I think every father of a little girl should go through. The range of emotions that you experience in a short period of time (if you allow them) is amazing. But, there was a storm of activity. This storm was complicated by the wide variety of people involved in this wedding, from grandma's fairly set in their ways to my ex-wife to a couple not even invited to the wedding (that's another story) to the few friends of my daughter & son-in-law's friends & to my son-in-laws very British parents. I enjoyed the differences that each of these people brought to this wonderful event but I found everyone getting caught up in the storm & not truly appreciating what we all were there for.
I was able to move from group to group & bring some calm to each situation that presented its self. I calmed down people upset at small things beyond their control & brought some calmness to people that were stressed out by everything happening around them. The point of this blog is not to commend myself because as I mentioned earlier I struggle with what's going on on the inside as opposed to what people see in these situations. Instead I want to give an example of how life can pass you by if you don't slow down. This amazing event was a blink in the lifetime of everyone who attended it but many of the people didn't appreciate the experience because they were caught up in the storm.
Patience is letting go of the outcome, enjoying the now & quieting the storm. To truly have patience you must be open to the differences of the people in your life & accept them from where they are coming from. All of these traits are part of your expansion into a more joyful life. So today when the storm begins around you, take a breath & be the calm....your life will change because of it.
Until tomorrow,
Bill
Quote of the day: "Patience is the ability to calm the storm around you & appreciate each & every moment, practice patience today!"
Monday, August 10, 2009
Honesty
Do you always tell the truth? What does it take for you to tell a lie? Are you honest to yourself? These are all difficult questions, did you take time to think of your answers? If not it a minute now and think through these questions.
What does honesty have to do with bringing more joy in your life? I think it has everything to do with it. Why?, because honesty like so many other great qualities opens you up to more great things in your life. To me honesty is the basis of it all, especially being honest to yourself. The only way to grow & learn in your life is to be truly honest with yourself. So many people go through their lives trying to hide their weaknesses, not just from others but from themselves.
I've always trusted in being honest, to myself & to everyone in my life. Heidi (my wife) will tell you at times I'm bluntly honest. I've learned in my life to soften some of the bluntness but if someone asks me a direct question I'm going to answer them openly & honestly.
The universe/God only knows the truth, so truly who do you think you're fooling? You may be fooling people in your life & you may even be able to fool yourself for a while. But, is it worth it? Be open & honest to yourself & everyone in your life. Let go of the negative behavior of lying. Accept responsibility for your actions & be true to yourself. Start today & your life will change.
For all of you that don't know; I'll be in England starting tomorrow for my eldest daughters wedding on Friday 8/14. The blog will be taking a break for the next two weeks while I'm away. I'll try & post travel updates here & maybe some pictures when I can get internet access. This is a great time to re-read the blog from the beginning, I look forward to all of your questions & comments on my return. I'll miss you all till then.
Hugs,
Bill
Return date will be 8/25!
Quote of the day: "Honesty is the key to positive changes in your life. Be honest with yourself & everyone you meet & the world will be honest in return."
What does honesty have to do with bringing more joy in your life? I think it has everything to do with it. Why?, because honesty like so many other great qualities opens you up to more great things in your life. To me honesty is the basis of it all, especially being honest to yourself. The only way to grow & learn in your life is to be truly honest with yourself. So many people go through their lives trying to hide their weaknesses, not just from others but from themselves.
I've always trusted in being honest, to myself & to everyone in my life. Heidi (my wife) will tell you at times I'm bluntly honest. I've learned in my life to soften some of the bluntness but if someone asks me a direct question I'm going to answer them openly & honestly.
The universe/God only knows the truth, so truly who do you think you're fooling? You may be fooling people in your life & you may even be able to fool yourself for a while. But, is it worth it? Be open & honest to yourself & everyone in your life. Let go of the negative behavior of lying. Accept responsibility for your actions & be true to yourself. Start today & your life will change.
For all of you that don't know; I'll be in England starting tomorrow for my eldest daughters wedding on Friday 8/14. The blog will be taking a break for the next two weeks while I'm away. I'll try & post travel updates here & maybe some pictures when I can get internet access. This is a great time to re-read the blog from the beginning, I look forward to all of your questions & comments on my return. I'll miss you all till then.
Hugs,
Bill
Return date will be 8/25!
Quote of the day: "Honesty is the key to positive changes in your life. Be honest with yourself & everyone you meet & the world will be honest in return."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)