Understanding your dark side

Yes we all have one even if we don’t want to admit it. In fact trying to bury it away is one of the biggest problems we can face. The trick, I’ve found, with the dark side is to acknowledge it & know when it’s needed. Yes, there truly are times that we need to allow ourselves to slip into the dark side.

What do I mean by the dark side? To me it’s the part of myself that's selfish, cranky, rude & sometimes wishes ill will to ours. We all have those moments in our life when we snap at someone or do something truly for our own benefit even if it means hurting someone else. I’m sure if we explored deeper we would find even nastier parts of ourselves & exploring is the key. If we can’t understand ourselves how can we expect anyone else to understand where we’re coming from or what motivates us. It truly is impossible! What often happens next is a feeling of frustration because we feel misunderstood & alone.

In the fast paced world we live in today everybody is looking for the quick fix, the miracle cure & many of us are unwilling to take the time needed to discover who we truly are. A big reason for this is we’re afraid of what we’ll find. So how many skeletons have you buried inside of yourself? How much hurt & pain have you tucked away for fear of experiencing it? We all do it but does that make it right? I think not!!!

There are two things you need to remember when you begin the exploration of yourself:

1) Anything you discover about yourself can be changed. This is a proven fact by many studies throughout the last decade or so. Granted it’s not always easy to change things that you’ve been doing for a longtime but it can be done with work & repetition.

2) Only by dealing with the emotions & feelings that we have deep inside can we move beyond them to a better a life. That fear or pain that you’ve buried will always come back to haunt you at the most inopportune times until you learned to move beyond it..

I’m not going to kid you sometimes it’s a difficult process to really look into yourself. I know for me it’s was very hard process but I discovered so much about myself that it was very worthwhile. I shed many a tear looking at the pain I buried inside & realized the pain that I caused others because of my selfish actions at different times in my life. I am a better person because I understand now that if I get angry or feel hurt or act in a selfish way, where that feeling comes from & how to move beyond that feeling to a better place.

So, the question you’re probably asking yourself is, how? The answer to that is a difficult one. We all process things differently because of the life experiences we have so there’s no set pattern (although you could read books that tell you an easy way). I believe that it all begins with taking time for yourself. Go into a room alone turn everything off & allow your mind to run with whatever it wants to. I always brought a pad a paper in to jot down the thoughts I had & the feelings associated with those thoughts.; Then backtrack through your life till you get to the earliest thing you remember. Throughout this journey pay attention to the feelings that emerge as you recount the events of your life. Give yourself praise for getting through any & all the difficult times you’ve had, for by making it through you proven you can get through anything that life throws your way.

Understand when you acted selfishly or were angry or cruel to someone. Try to think about why you acted that way & if now you could think about a better way to handle the situation. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made & for the times you didn’t act as your best self would. Understand that the past can’t be changed but that you can be the person you want to be in every situation if you understand why you acted the way you did.

Everything is possible in life & the journey we are on together or separately should always be to act as the best person we can be. We all make mistakes, we are only human but by learning from those mistakes & growing into the person we know we can be, we can change the world one step at a time.

Always remember that no matter how dark the storm becomes nothing lasts forever & you will endure because you have before. Sometimes through the darkest parts of our lives we gain the most knowledge, I wish it wasn’t so but for many of us it is. Relish the dark by discovering the joy even in the worst….it’s always there.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “Only by understanding the dark side of ourselves can we become who we truly want to be!”

Love for Life

Yes, it’s a phrase we hear often in life “He/She has a love for life” but what does it really mean & how can each of us discover a true love of live? I’ve debated this thought often in my life because although most of the time I’m a very joyful happy person there are times that I too struggle. In fact when I was younger I struggled much more often then I do now.

The secret of this phrase to me is to enjoy the moment. I know this is another often heard phrase & in today’s busy world it’s actually becoming a little cliché. I never throw things out into the world unless I truly believe them & I honestly know in my heart that they make a difference & that’s the way it is for me with living in the moment.

Many of you know I’ve had a huge transition in the past year. Going from being unemployed for 15 months to working half a country away, from home, on my own to finally being offered a full-time job & moving my family to a new home in a new state. I’m not going to sit here & say that it was always easy, in fact the truth is there were many times that were very difficult but the one thing that kept me going was just living in the moment. I discovered that overall things that we think are so important in our life actually find a way to take care of themselves if we allow them to.

I wrote a blog a while ago on the Prayer of St. Francis, in that blog I described how everything has it’s time & in the journey I’ve taken over the past 8 months I’ve discovered that not only do things have their own time but if we allow them they will find their own time. Now don’t misunderstand this, certainly there are things that we all have to take care of now but we put the “now” tag on many more things then we should. The truth is that most things in life can wait & if we allow the choice or the event to find its own time things will flow much more easily.

You see to me the joy of life is what is in-front of me right now. I discover joy in the littlest things & that joy gives me a true love of life. The love that I have for the world around me comes from the deepest part of me. It’s a quiet place that can always bring me back to a calm feeling even in the biggest storm around me. I believe with every fiber of my being that if we allow it things will work out as they should.

In today’s world that’s a difficult lesson because there’s so much hype to have everything now & to do everything now! Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in this hype. The material world will never bring you the joy you are looking for. It is only through our connection to everything & everyone that we discover the joy around us. We are made of love. Just take a moment & think back to any child you’ve known. Think about the joy & wonderment in their face over the smallest thing….like the flower in the grass or the way the clouds move. Children show us our true self. The self that only knows love & trust & goodness, the part of us that we never loose but sometimes forget about.

Take time to remember wonderment, look at the world anew in each & every moment. Practice this “letting go” until it becomes apart of you again. Through this “change of focus” the smallest things will affect you like never before. Joy is all around us but it’s up to us to discover it. Open your heart, change your focus, discover the wonderment of a child. Laugh that little giggly laugh that only a child knows because there’s so much to enjoy in this world we live in.

No matter how dark the world seems to get, there is always something to find joy in & when we as a connected community of spirits begin to discover that through our thoughts & our thoughts alone we can change the world, amazing things will begin to happen. We are at the doorstep of a new age of man, together we can cross through to a world that knows love first & that understands that we are all one.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “A true of love of life begins within each us of. Open your heart & mind & discover the joy in this moment.”

Moving out of your own way

For many of us this title sounds like an easy thing to do. We believe we know where we’re going & just what steps we need to take to get to our ultimate destination but in fact this can be one of the hardest lessons to learn in life or at least it was for me.

I know I haven’t written much lately & I apologize to all of you for that. Life has been very busy settling into a new job & relocating to a new state. I’ve had many thoughts but not the time to write them all down & then yesterday I was reminded that so often we get in our own way of happiness. In fact we set ourselves up for disappointment, how do we do this? For many of us, it’s expecting a result.

I’m not going to tell you that all expectations are bad, but I’ve learned in my life that there really is no place for them. The best result that can happen way we expect a result is that we get what we expected &, for me, that diminishes the result because we only met our expectation. On the other side of the coin if we don’t get what we expected we can be crushed & left wondering why? or what’s next?

So often in life we make up our mind that “this” is what we need to be happy & when we don’t get it we blame God/universe for our sadness because all we needed was “X” & you didn’t give it me.

The truth is we set ourselves up for this disappointment because we think we know what’s best for us. I have found in life that opening your mind to possibilities will allow things to happen in your life that you never thought could or would happen. That’s truly the way we create our future. It’s an ever evolving path that we create cooperatively with God/universe. It is only through this ebb & flow that we can create the life we want to live, for when we get set in our path or in our ways we close off the world of possibilities & stay stuck where we are, which may not be the best place.

How many times in your life have you discovered after the fact that the thing you thought you wanted the most wasn’t really all that great. I can’t answer for you but for me it was often. When I was a young man I made things happen by sheer will. I wouldn’t take no for an answer & I moved through life knowing that I could get the “brass ring” anytime I wanted.

The sad part was I was never truly happy because I thought I knew what I needed to be happy & I believed that I knew what was best for me. I went through my younger years with great highs & sometimes very deep lows because the truth was I had no idea what I wanted & I allowed my EGO to dictate what was best in the moment. The EGO always wants the instant gratification & by following the EGO we can discover tremendous highs. The problem is that the EGO is never truly satisfied it always wants more & when it doesn’t get it, we crash & burn.

I have discovered that by stepping out of my own way that life is on a much more even keel & expectations play a big roll in that. I allow the best outcome to be created, rather then expect the result that I believe is the best.

The bottom is it’s all up to you: Open your mind & allow possibilities or close your mind & expect results. Trust me when I say this choice is life changing.

Until next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: “To expect an outcome only diminishes the result, be surprised, be open to the possibility & watch the world change around you.”

Life's questions

Does your mind race everyday with the questions of your life; where are you going?, what are doing?, how can I make my life better? We all have times in our lives when the questions seem to outweigh the answers, when even though we're not thinking about the questions they're running around in the deep recesses of our mind. These questions gum up our life & can sometimes consume us to a point where we don't know what to do about anything. We can bring yourselves to the point where we can't sleep & no matter what we can't quiet our mind.

I know what this is like. I've been there before in my life & I've discovered that there are ways to move beyond these questions. My life this year has been one of transition. I have been away from home & my wife for 5 months now & I've gone from working a temp job halfway across the country to accepting a permanent position in a new state & trying to move my family here to join me. Prior to this new opportunity I was unemployed for over 14 months....it's been an odd but wonderful year.

The overwhelming questions & things that need to be done under these circumstances can cause anyone turmoil in their life but I've discovered that if you take time to be in the present & let go of the worry, you can deal with anything that comes your way. By breaking down the overwhelming amount of things to do into "what can I do today?"& allowing the rest of the questions to fall away until it's their time. Can ease the feeling of being overwhelmed & allow you to open your heart and enjoy the life you have in-front of you.

Life is to short to make the decision that I'll put it on hold for 'x' amount of time because once I do this, or that, maybe both my life will be better. This is a lie!!! To find joy in your life & to life your life to fullest you need discover the joy that is each & every moment.

Now, I'm not going to sit here & say that everything in this transition has gone easy or perfect but even when things are difficult by taking the time to discover the joy in the moment in-front you, you will live a better life. There is also joy even in struggles. The secret is to always look for it. The lessons we learn in the current moment are the lessons that will lead us onward to a better life.

Trust in the way God/universe works. Allow; let go of the need for control & the answers you're looking for will reveal themselves perfectly before you. Everything in it's time. allow God/universe to work with you in the creation of a more joyful life. Be grateful in every moment & discover the way life unfolds perfectly before you.

Till next time,

Bill

Quote of the day: "The questions of life can be answered when you allow them to unfold in their own time. Let of tomorrow & enjoy today!"

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What Brings me Joy!!!

I welcome a new guest blogger todayPetrina. I met Pertina through this blog & she's also a memeber of the National Gallery of Writing as I am. Petrina is married with 2 boys, recently moved to Virginia from New York. Currently unemployed. Profession: Mental Health Professional. Presented Alumnus Address this year for Alma Mater High School. Enjoys laughing, dancing and writing. Her Blog is: Here

What Brings me Joy!!!

What an interesting topic to write on as by reflex I can tell you all the things that cause me stress and disappointment. It is challenging because it exposes my true spirit of pessimism; joy is secondary. There are many things that bring me joy. Besides making my husband and children happy, I enjoy helping the less fortunate. I have always had a generous spirit since I was young. Giving away my clothes and any little trinket given to me. I had to learn as a newlywed not to eventually give away things my husband would buy me. I know, it is a bad habit but it took a good friend having a good talk with me before I understood the connection. I just loved giving people things that they always wanted. If I had it and they wanted it, I would give it. I remember even giving away my toys when I was very young.

A life changing event happened to me that made me even more generous towards people. I had the experience of being so poor I might as well lived in a developing country. My mother moved from the West Indies to a poor neighborhood in New York. In those days it was okay to leave your children by themselves while you went out to work. I took care of my brother while my mother went to work, took courses for citizenship and attended classes towards a degree. I raised myself and my younger brother. That was pretty much my life as a teenager until my step father came along. The only thing he did was provide an income to pay the rent. My mother was strong and brave as she could not bare to have him in the house much longer and kicked him out. That’s when it happened. We starved. For one whole year while my mother was working in a lower than low position, my brother and I discovered new creations in an empty fridge. We ate crackers and mayonnaise or pineapple jelly with crackers and sugar water as we had no lemons. We were joking about it the other day and how happy we were when on rare occasions we would be able to have hospital made spaghetti and meatballs as my mom
worked in the kitchen at the local hospital. Weekends were the hardest as we had no school lunch.

After that stage I became a teenager and my mother now a college graduate helped me to go through school as well as my brother. She now has a Masters and it motivated me to get my Masters also. (Funny I just remembered how my peers in college and roommates used to joke that they could look in the fridge and find nothing to cook, but I would go in the fridge and bring out a tasty four course meal). I looked back at my life and became more spiritual as I realized I did not get through so many hard life experiences by my own doing. Then, out of nowhere, this great opportunity to go abroad and help others in a developing country had arise. I was on the next plain as I felt I could relate, although I understood the gravity of the situation would be worse than any of my experiences. There was eight people sent by a reputable organization and I went as the only Mental Health Consultant. I spent two years serving the poor.

Today, I still find philanthropic means for helping the less fortunate. The opportunity abroad bought me the most joy. My mother’s perseverance brought me much joy. My brother being a World Trade Center survivor brought me much joy. Becoming a wife and a parent brings me joy as my husband is also generous and I am hands on with my boys. As a parent it makes me happy to instill in them the importance of things learned from my past; a good education, spirituality, an altruistic view on life and lots of kisses. They could do without the kisses I bet, but I can’t. I couldn’t pick just one thing that brings me joy, as joy for me has no time constraints.

Petrina

P.S. Things are settling in in Denver I hope to get back to regular writing next week...sorry it's taken so long but it's been crazy...hugs & look forward to reconnecting with all of you next week....if you want to be a guest writing contact me at timberwolf12345@gmail.com

The awakening of your true self!!

Do you truly know who you are? I don't mean your name or any other label you want to give yourself. I mean in your core in the depths of your soul, the parts of you that no one knows ….maybe not even yourself. The discovery of who we truly are is one of the oldest quests man has sought from the beginning of time. It drives many of us & consumes others. We put on so many different faces for the people in our life because we believe we have to be what “they” expect us to be. So we create the Mom or the Dad personality and there's the friend or the worker or the business leader....etc, etc. We create a complex life trying to please everyone & we believe that it's necessary because it's what's expected. What if I told you it's not what others expect......what if I told you that all you have to do is be who you truly are & you will be accepted by everyone in your life.

I know it sounds like an easy solution to a complex problem that has been plaguing mankind for our entire existence & the truth is it's not easy because it takes a commitment from you to take the time to discover who you truly are.....not what the PTA expects you to be...no....who you are...your true self. I believe that is our connection to everything. Our true self or what many others call our soul....can you commit to taking the time for self discovery? Aren't you worth it? I know you are because I the love you have inside that needs to be shared with the world. I know the beauty & purity of who you truly are because at our core we are all connected & anything that people perceive to be evil is truly only born from a lack of love & the need to know who we truly are.

So, how do we take the first step to begin the process of self discovery? There's no perfect way, but what I've found is simply to be. Quiet your mind, focus on your breathing, listen deep inside & feel the peace & connectedness of your true self. There is a feeling of being grounded when you're able to move beyond the thoughts going on in your busy mind. For me, I also enjoy being out in nature. I have discovered for myself that the depth of my connection to my soul/true self is much deeper when I'm in nature. There is for me, a profound awareness to the beauty around me & a knowing that I am a part of it. Whatever works for you, use it. Take the time today to discover who you truly are. Let go of the noise & the expectations, release the fear & move beyond the pain from the past. Understand that you are love. Listen to that small voice that comes from deep within & become who you were truly meant to be!! Let go of the veils of life that you hide behind & discover that when you are truly who you are suppose to be you are love & everyone will accept you for who you truly are.

Life moves with an ease when you can be who you truly are. It's a very freeing experience!! Believe in yourself & discover who you truly are!!

Hugs,

Bill

Quote of the day: “The journey of self-discovery is the most important journey any of us can take. Stop pretending & be who you truly are.....LOVE!”

Living in the moment!!

I've talked a lot over the past year about letting life come to you & living life in each moment but what does that really mean.....”living in the moment”. I think as with many things in life you can interpret the meaning of that phrase in many different ways. For the purposes of this blog it's not important to me how literally you take the phrase or what this phrase means to you personally. What's important to me is that you begin to learn to live your life in each moment.

I've been challenged over the past few weeks to work myself through a huge shift in my life. I have moved (at least temporarily) to the Denver, Colorado area. I have left my beautiful wife, our two dogs, my house, my friends & everything I know as part of my life, for the past 12 years, behind to move to a state that I've spent only 3-5 days in for my entire life. The only thing that has keep me in a state of joy is living in each moment & discovering the joy that each moment has for us. The truth is there is joy all around us even when things aren't easy, but it's up to us to discover the joy that is hidden even in challenging times.

How do I this? I don't worry about tomorrow. I believe in the very core of who I am that tomorrow will unfold perfectly before me just as it should. It is in this shift of thought that all possibilities are born. I read from many people that they believe the key to life is to “live from the end”, in other words see the end & work backwards to today to see how to get there. This may work for some but for me it's the furthest from the truth that we can move. I know that if I set my intention for the future & release that intention into the world with no attachment to the results, God/universe will lead us to where we want to end up by living in each moment in-between. You see life is only about the now. The preoccupation with what will happen tomorrow steals away the life we can have right now. There is no promise that we have anything beyond this moment we share together right now. So why be concerned about what will happen tomorrow? The only thing that matters is right now & if you're willing to live each moment to fullest your life will always unfold perfectly before you.

Are there never setbacks? Is life always perfect going forward? Of course not!! We need adversity in our life to help us learn the lessons we need to know to move on to a better life. I was laid-off from my job in June 2009 & the past year hasn't been easy financially but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I have discovered more about myself in the past year then I have in almost 50 years before this....would I have asked for this? No!! But God/universe knew this is what I needed to grow into the person I've always been inside. You see none of us truly need improvement we just need to get back to who we truly are in our soul!! Our truest self only knows how to live life perfectly.

You can change your life today, all you need to do is start right now let go of the expectations of tomorrow & discover the joy in this moment.

Hugs,

Bill

Quote of the day: “Everything is possible in the present moment....open your mind & heart to the joy right now in this exact moment & begin the change”